The Pursuit of Holli-ness

When I was in the fourth grade, I took a ballet class with Mrs. Glousinger. I’d always been a heavy child, but in that class it didn’t matter. I loved wearing my little pink tutu and tights and I thought I was just as cute as the other, thinner young girls. I’d always been very agile and flexible, so I had no problem moving gracefully from first to fifth position or doing my pliés at the bar. My teacher was always encouraging and she never made me feel that I didn’t belong in there, so I believed that I did. And I danced my little heart away.

That was the last time that I danced for twenty-four years.

Sure, I used to go to the clubs with my friends and we’d set the dance floor on fire when any of our songs came on. But I needed more than a few cocktails to give me that liquid courage I needed before I could step out onto the floor. I needed something to help me feel that I didn’t stick out like a sore thumb – or a klutzy elephant. I was self-conscious that I was carrying so much weight and this was when I weighed 50 pounds less than I do now! It just didn’t seem possible for me to be graceful being as heavy as I was. And I know that there are heavy people who are graceful because I have seen many, but I was not one of them. I didn’t feel graceful when I moved. Not until I discovered belly dance.

When I’m doing hip drops or snake arms or hip slides, I close my eyes and know that my body is moving the way that I want it to. It goes to the left, the right, the front and back with no effort, just a bit of thought. I’m not sure how it looks, but for the first time since I was ten years old in my pink tutu, it doesn’t matter to me. To have that freedom; to just close my eyes and go with what I feel is something that had been lost to me for over twenty-four years. I’m so glad to have rediscovered it.

What have you lost from your childhood that you have yet to rediscover?

Sometimes we need to ponder that question because the answer could be the positive factor in our lives that we’ve been seeking. Maybe it’s playing an instrument or playing sports. Maybe painting used to be a hobby but somewhere along the way you convinced yourself that you didn’t have the talent. Don’t be afraid to try new things or to pick up old things! Be open to new experiences. You never know how it could impact your life.

“Dance like no one is watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like no one is listening, Live like it’s heaven on earth.” – William Purkey